*sigh*

the rez has found its pastoral assistant.

for months the hunt has been on, and it seems as though it paid off. christine put so much work into the selection committee, and knowing the congregants that made up that group, i know the decision couldn't have been in better hands. out of a field of 18 applicants, many of them from overseas, they have settled on a canadian (from BC), and a young woman to balance the masculine presence of duke.

from what duke tells me, she is a gift: in her late twenties, with years of experience in all the various ministries she will have to fulfil, and willing to work for what the rez can afford, which in all honesty isn't much. youth ministry, small group study leader, liturgical presence, volunteer discipleship - these are wildly diverse gifts and skills, and to find them in one person willing to work cheap....

i told duke that i had really mixed feelings about the situation: i told him i felt as though my ex- boyfriend had a new girlfriend who was twenty years younger and thirty pounds lighter than me. at least that got a laugh out of him, but i think he understands my feelings. on the one hand i am absolutely thrilled that the rez has managed to attract a person of such quality, but then i love this place and know it deserves no less. on the other hand, i envy her beyond words: i wish i had gotten the job. but of course i hadn't applied, i am the intern here, and my studies call me to be elsewhere in the near future.

duke did say something that made me feel much better, though. he told me that they had considered giving me the position, but for all the reasons stated above decided that at this time it wouldn't work. i couldn't agree more with that assessment, but i think what made me feel better was that i had at least been considered. it is one thing to hear people tell you to your face that you are doing a good job - this is an incredibly forgiving and supportive community and i know they go to great lengths to reassure me. it is another thing to know that they same similar things behind your back, and behind closed doors, where there is no need to flatter or to cater to my emotional whims.

*sigh* 38 years old and i am still struggling a bit with high approval needs. if i hadn't heard the reverend doctor barry parker (at the age of over 50!) tell me that he too struggles with the same issues, i'd be more concerned. but i just put my own needs aside right now, and simply do the job - one foot in front of the other until a successful result is acheived.