an apology - and you know who you are

bruce and i enjoy many discussions about theology, faith and religion. he has not only taught me much about subject and offered me differing perspectives, he's helped me learn the right way from the wrong way to question, explore and at times, differ outright.

you and i also had many such discussions, only we didn't much enjoy them.

why? well... its my fault actually.

as a theology student with a VERY expensive education, i often replied to your honest and thoughtful questions and comments as though i was possessed of the wisdom of the ages. i regret that.

i regret not making it perfectly clear that when i brought up a point of theology, it was not to make you seem like an ignorant fool, but rather to try to unpack a lesson i'd learned in class and was struggling to get my head around. i wish i'd asked your opinion more, and listened harder.

i regret not making it clear that when i contradicted you, it wasn't actually me contradicting you; but rather me bringing up a point that stood alongside the one you were making, one that sometimes honestly stood in direct opposition to it.

i regret every time i said "oh, no, that's not right! martin luther says............" instead of "i hear what you are saying. do you know, i was just reading something martin luther had to say on the subject and was wondering how you felt about it"

i am sorry that would say things like "well, reformation theology has come to the conclusion that......." rather than "well, this is what i have been taught. what is your understanding?"

i regret that my enthusiasm for my subject allowed me to run roughshod over 47 years of hard-won experience of living a christian life; i am sorry that my passion came across as arrogance and judgementalism.

i am deeply grateful to bruce for helping me learn the finer points of managing the minefield of theological debate; and i am grateful for your patience at my clumsy attempts to balance passion, enthusiasm and education and exploration.

you are both amazing men. i am very lucky to love you both.